I have enjoyed putting on a pre-selected outfit each day this week – enjoyed the outfit and very much enjoyed not having to select items from my entire wardrobe that suit each other, and suit the day’s activities first thing in the morning. Mornings are rough with the Black Dog. He sleeps late and he appears to sleep on my bed, right across my chest. I feel like the day has started but my body and my mind are still sound asleep. Sequencing, ordering, selecting – any task that involves these and any decision-making process is almost physically painful. So a task as simple as getting dressed is a source of considerable distress. I tend to wear the same black vest and jeans combo as the previous day and the day before that purely because it requires no choices. So a wardrobe full of ready-made complete outfits has been a daily luxury, relieving me of one morning decision and giving me a boost later in the day each time I pass a mirror. Seeing myself looking more like myself does help me feel a little more normal. On the other hand, it highlights the fact that my hair could do with a hand and my face is looking about as tired as I feel.
So I decided for the last two days to walk the dog all the way to the makeup counter and the hairdresser. A short, perky cut to make me look as chirpy as I want to feel and a tinted moisturiser, some eyeshadow and a new set of makeup brushes so that putting a little face on first thing becomes a treat not the (avoidable and usually avoided) chore it has become. Do you need a good cut and a bit of slap to feel happier? Not necessarily but these are things I would normally take pleasure in and I am trying to reboot the real me so…
OMG I am like a completely new person!!! I look amazing and I know I am going to be happier from now onwards. Not. I feel pretty much the same but I look a little bit more together. A very basic set of makeup (tinted moisturiser, lip and cheek tint and an eyeliner, two eye-shadows if I want to really go nuts) in pretty little pots is simple enough for me to use even when I wake with the Black Dog sitting right on my head and my new messy pixie cut requires no time and thought at all. So even on my worst mornings I will be able to look better than I feel. And that cheers me up a little. Just a little, but it’s all the little cheers that keep me going right now.
walkingtheblackdog 