I have been chasing my tail for months, trying to squeeze more hours out of each day, never feeling I am on top of everything I need to or want to do. In fact, I am so overwhelmed I barely ever even notice what I want to do. And whenever I engage in something I am constantly distracted by worries about the many things I should also be getting done. Some days it feels as if the entire universe will unravel if I don’t get on top of my to-do list.
In reality, unless I forget to keep the children safe, fed and entertained, the universe will pretty much keep itself ticking over. Nice universe.
Today, instead of revising my to-d0 list for next week, I wrote a Done List. I wrote down everything I have done – from moving house to making new cushion covers to keeping the kids alive – since the start of the year and then stopped to read it through. I am quite impressed with myself! And also a little teary at the thought that I have berated myself for not doing enough for the last nine months when I have actually been rather productive.
It has got me thinking – I never actually recognise my real To Do list. I don’t take time to notice all the little things I want to get done and as a result I don’t actually make time for them. And then – surprise, surprise – they don’t get done. So I religiously schedule time to do the laundry but leave it to luck whether or not I take time to feel the sun on my skin, smell the early frost in the morning air, do things just for fun, take time to let my mind wander, play with the kids, or even curl up with a book. And, quite unnoticed, the Black Dog buries the impulse to do any of these things under a heap of Must Do’s.
So this week, I am scheduling time to do these things, as religiously as I schedule the shopping, and and the school run and paying bills. Wish me luck.